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Aurel's discord moderation advice
Feb. 15th, 2021 09:33 pmhi everybody this is going to be kind of haphazard because it's mostly just a list of things i've talked about previously (mainly on the wholesome games discord) and that i'm putting in a single place so it can be of use to people :) if it's a bit too messy i can go back and clear things up as needed.
[16.02.2021] second draft with new points based on initial feedback
new entries since the previous version have been denoted with a * for ease of skimming
this advice is primarily aimed at communities up to around 2-4k people, but some of it will apply regardless of size, and by the time you've grown larger than that i'd hope you (or one of your co-mods) have enough personal experience to not need my takes on these things. it's also mostly tailored towards discord, but a number of things will apply more generally.
with that, here's some of my advice/opinions on things that can help set up a healthy discord community, moderation-wise:
make sure that as soon as your server is open to the public, you have at the very least enough mods to cover all time zones. you don't need 100% coverage of every minute, but you want to ensure that you don't risk running into any situations where hours will pass without any mods overseeing chat, or at least being available to ping should the need arise.
* everyone has different opinions on what makes a good moderator, but i would strongly recommend finding people who:
* since your moderators are people you can trust, let them moderate. by which i mean, if you don't trust a mod enough to let them make their own calls when they're alone, even on simple/obvious issues, just don't have them as a mod. you're going to make yourselves both miserable. my personal opinion on requiring unanimity/majority/etc on mod decisions is:
if your discord is for any form of project or fan work where the original creator is part of the discord (or frequently as is the case for dev, the server owner is the creator), ensure that there's at least a moderator that can "cover" for them if need be. what i mean by this is that sometimes creators can be in the very uncomfortable spot of having to directly act "against" consumers/fans of their work, for things not directly related to the work itself, and that can quickly make things awkward for everyone.
try to get a good moderator spread in terms of demographics and life experiences. you don't need to get One Of Everything (and please don't just get token mods, they'll know what you're doing), but if your mod team is all men, or all white, or all cishet, etc, (or almost,) sometimes the problems you'll run into with users will leave you out of your depth and with a super high risk of making a mess of it. and making a mess of it can cause potentially irreparable damage to the community. you also run a risk of unintentionally making aspects of the server hostile for some marginalized groups without realizing it.
first and foremost, remember that rules in a server are more about making it clear to everyone what behavior you value, and what behavior you don't tolerate, and to make sure that everyone is on the same page. you should never treat the rules as Legally Binding because they're here to inform people, not to be dissected. if people think a rule is unclear then it might be a good idea to edit it to make sure everyone is on the same page, but you should never encourage or entertain "rules lawyering", which is when people argue that a rule doesn't say exactly X so they can't be in trouble for bad behavior.
you've got a lot of room to write the rules as you want, but i'd recommend to at the very least have the ones below. all the other rules are really up to you, and should be tailored to the kind of people who want to have stay, the kind of people you want to see leave, and the kind of content you have targeted for the server
actually enforce your rules. you don't have to be a tyrant about it, but you made it clear what the rules were, and people agreed to those when they decided to stay in the server. there's definitely a range of "harshness" with regard to applying rules, where if someone is making a genuine mistake for the first time you can be nice about the warning message, moreso than with a repeat offender.
also remember that rules aren't only for "punishing" infractions, they're also for keeping members safe! they agreed to those rules, presumably because they thought "yes i would like a community where i know [behavior against the rules] isn't going to happen", so you have a responsibility towards them on that front.
if you ever let things slide for minor infractions, write it down and keep track of it. if you see yourself frequently letting the same actions slide, consider whether that rule is worth keeping. if it's not, take it off, there's no point in having a rule that's not followed and that you don't enforce. if the rule IS worth keeping, then stop letting it slide, especially if it's always from the same person. the issue with always letting things slide for someone is that you end up with one of two possibilities:
it's okay to ban on first offense if the offense is bad enough. "three strikes" style rules can be useful sometimes but they're not always relevant.
when something is a bit more long-term or complicated than just "broke X rule", try to consider things in terms of patterns of behavior. is there a pattern of something else behind the infractions, or are they roughly standalone? if the pattern continues, what do you expect the person to do? if you can't see things getting better, consider being upfront about it when you bring it up with them.
seriously i don't know how to emphasize this enough but really make sure you enforce the important stuff. if you let -isms slide, they will not only keep sliding but will ensure anyone affected by them will lose trust in you. it's like that twitter thread about throwing nazis out of bars - if you let one stay (even if they're on their best behavior), you guarantee that they'll bring all their nazi friends and ensure no one else ever comes to the bar. throw bad people out and don't be shy about it, because it's a zero-sum game where every bad person you keep is good people you lose. you don't get to play both sides.
the earlier you address issues, the less time they have to start growing into something worse. it's easier to kick a problem member out on their first week than after they've become a regular. it's easier to tell people a phrase is inappropriate the first time they use it than after the entire community has made memes from it, etc.
don't let people guilt trip you. this can be surprisingly hard but if it's one of those things where either the person didn't mean to and you should clear it up with them, or they DID mean to and you should absolutely not let them manipulate you.
this one is hard to word, but for example, if someone's infractions come off as a lack of respect of the other members on their part, do you expect that to magically improve? sometimes you can sit someone down and try to explain it to them if it seems they don't realize the issue (though that's a huge commitment for you, which is another problem), but there will be times where some members do not have basic respect for other members and will not change that regardless of your intervention. don't be afraid to cut things short when that's the case.
don't let people get away with backseat moderation. what this means is, if there's an issue that specifically requires moderator attention, you want to avoid other members going much past "hey that wasn't cool" and generally leave it to moderators to solve problems. specifically, anytime you see users say things like "you should be banned for that", or act like they have authority that they don't, you should immediately cut that kind of behavior off. this also applies to things like re-litigating conflict after things have died down. backseat modding usually isn't super frequent, but it's the kind of behavior that will actively make stressful situations worse, and you want to nip it in the bud as soon as possible.
"1000 cut users" are users that never outright break any of the rules in any meaningful way, but who seem to constantly make the atmosphere worse for both mods and other members, no matter how people try to steer the conversation. this can be things like:
sometimes you will not get through to people when you try to explain the issues with certain behavior and that's just part of life. it's not a failing on your part, and if they don't get it after your explanations and keep up the offending behavior as a result, you don't "owe" it to them to give them more chances.
sometimes people will be unhappy with you enforcing the rules. that happens. it sucks, but it happens. sometimes they'd rather leave than change their behavior, and you have to let them.
remember that it's completely normal not to like everyone. as a moderator you need to be as impartial as possible, and it'd be unfair to take it out on members if their only "sin" is not getting along with you, but if there's people you don't mesh with you can just let the other mods handle them and any infractions they do or don't commit.
make sure your moderators are always all on the same page. if any arguing about the rules needs to happen, do it behind closed doors so members don't have to deal with trying to figure out which mod they should be listening to.
remember that moderating isn't an "us vs them" situation and that everyone should be working together to have a good time. if moderating ever turns adversarial then you have some really really big issues and should try to work out what went wrong. it's okay to get mad at situations (or people) sometimes, but the power imbalance between moderators and members means that if you get into "fights", mods will win, and it will be at the members' expenses.
the above goes for members too. in a community, everyone chips in a little (whether it be with anything concrete or just meeting other members halfway) and everyone benefits as a result.
* this bit might be controversial to some people but: don't be afraid to ban members for off-server behavior. like with everything, you have to be reasonable about this, but if someone exhibits behavior off-server that can be described as "someone i would absolutely not want in here", then you have no obligation to let them in or keep them in. and for context i'm not referring to things like "is kind of a jerk on twitter" or whatnot (though honestly it's your prerogative what you want to kick/ban for), but if someone holds offensive views or has done hurtful things off-server, and you have reason to believe they've changed, you're under no obligation to wait and see if they'll do the same harm to your server. if you believe they've changed, then nothing prevents you from just bringing it up with them and gauging their reaction.
example: for context, this has been a semi-frequent source of bans on the wholesome games discord, from reasons ranging from ex-members having exploitative dev practices (which they either tried to lie about or dismiss), to giving the time of day to alt-right views or dismissing bigotry (frequently on twitter), to harassing other devs in other servers, etc. in almost every case we confronted them before the ban (and if we didn't we sent very clear ban messages), to make sure that these weren't just flukes, and to give them a chance to prove us wrong.
if anyone is curious for me to cover anything else, feel free to @ me (aurel) in the wholesome games discord, or dm/@ me on twitter at divinebenis or paranoodles and i can add it to here :)
change log
[15.02.2021] first draft publish date[16.02.2021] second draft with new points based on initial feedback
new entries since the previous version have been denoted with a * for ease of skimming
introduction
quick context/credentials is that i've been staff on the wholesome games discord for the past year and a half (and i'd like to think that i started contributing before that point), and over the previous years i'd helped mod a handful of (mostly small, ~250 people tops) discords, forums, and mmo guilds.this advice is primarily aimed at communities up to around 2-4k people, but some of it will apply regardless of size, and by the time you've grown larger than that i'd hope you (or one of your co-mods) have enough personal experience to not need my takes on these things. it's also mostly tailored towards discord, but a number of things will apply more generally.
with that, here's some of my advice/opinions on things that can help set up a healthy discord community, moderation-wise:
1) get a good moderator spread
make sure that as soon as your server is open to the public, you have at the very least enough mods to cover all time zones. you don't need 100% coverage of every minute, but you want to ensure that you don't risk running into any situations where hours will pass without any mods overseeing chat, or at least being available to ping should the need arise.
* everyone has different opinions on what makes a good moderator, but i would strongly recommend finding people who:
- you can trust in general and specifically to make the right calls if left alone
- are invested enough in the server/topic that they have context for what's going on. people who like to help around servers tend to cover this criteria
- ...but still have the ability and maturity to avoid unwanted bias. some bias is okay, we're all human, but you don't want to risk someone using their moderator status to push an agenda you don't share
- isn't afraid of confrontation but doesn't seek it for its own sake either
* since your moderators are people you can trust, let them moderate. by which i mean, if you don't trust a mod enough to let them make their own calls when they're alone, even on simple/obvious issues, just don't have them as a mod. you're going to make yourselves both miserable. my personal opinion on requiring unanimity/majority/etc on mod decisions is:
- for obvious issues and simple problems (inappropriate posts, etc), just let any solo mod handle it when they see it. if you want to take it up with them later you can
- for more subjective or sensitive issues, try to get at least 2-3 mods to agree. if the first 2-3 mods can't agree on a course of action, then you can just ping the others and see what the general consensus is
- for Serious Issues that require delicate handling, i still wouldn't advocate for unanimity so much as just making sure everyone (or close enough) gets to say their piece, so you can ensure you don't miss anything important. after that you can just go with general consensus again
if your discord is for any form of project or fan work where the original creator is part of the discord (or frequently as is the case for dev, the server owner is the creator), ensure that there's at least a moderator that can "cover" for them if need be. what i mean by this is that sometimes creators can be in the very uncomfortable spot of having to directly act "against" consumers/fans of their work, for things not directly related to the work itself, and that can quickly make things awkward for everyone.
try to get a good moderator spread in terms of demographics and life experiences. you don't need to get One Of Everything (and please don't just get token mods, they'll know what you're doing), but if your mod team is all men, or all white, or all cishet, etc, (or almost,) sometimes the problems you'll run into with users will leave you out of your depth and with a super high risk of making a mess of it. and making a mess of it can cause potentially irreparable damage to the community. you also run a risk of unintentionally making aspects of the server hostile for some marginalized groups without realizing it.
2) have a solid set of rules and enforce them
first and foremost, remember that rules in a server are more about making it clear to everyone what behavior you value, and what behavior you don't tolerate, and to make sure that everyone is on the same page. you should never treat the rules as Legally Binding because they're here to inform people, not to be dissected. if people think a rule is unclear then it might be a good idea to edit it to make sure everyone is on the same page, but you should never encourage or entertain "rules lawyering", which is when people argue that a rule doesn't say exactly X so they can't be in trouble for bad behavior.
you've got a lot of room to write the rules as you want, but i'd recommend to at the very least have the ones below. all the other rules are really up to you, and should be tailored to the kind of people who want to have stay, the kind of people you want to see leave, and the kind of content you have targeted for the server
- some manner of "no hate speech" with as much or as little clarification as you'd like
- some manner of what i like to call "1000 cut prevention" rule. i'll go more in detail about this in a later section, but they usually look something like "if you make other people uncomfortable we'll remove you" (the version in the wg discord) - a rule that's specific enough that the average user won't worry too much about it, but that you can point back to in case of issues that are hard to act on otherwise.
- if applicable, some manner of indication of the age range your server is appropriate for. you can again have extra information about what is/isn't okay if you want
actually enforce your rules. you don't have to be a tyrant about it, but you made it clear what the rules were, and people agreed to those when they decided to stay in the server. there's definitely a range of "harshness" with regard to applying rules, where if someone is making a genuine mistake for the first time you can be nice about the warning message, moreso than with a repeat offender.
also remember that rules aren't only for "punishing" infractions, they're also for keeping members safe! they agreed to those rules, presumably because they thought "yes i would like a community where i know [behavior against the rules] isn't going to happen", so you have a responsibility towards them on that front.
if you ever let things slide for minor infractions, write it down and keep track of it. if you see yourself frequently letting the same actions slide, consider whether that rule is worth keeping. if it's not, take it off, there's no point in having a rule that's not followed and that you don't enforce. if the rule IS worth keeping, then stop letting it slide, especially if it's always from the same person. the issue with always letting things slide for someone is that you end up with one of two possibilities:
- that person isn't aware that it's an issue, and has no way of fixing their behavior until you let them know, because they most likely expect that if their behavior was an issue, it would have come up by now
- that person IS aware that it's an issue, and is taking advantage of you letting it slide, and will possibly get worse as time passes because they've realized they can get away with it. if this ever happens it's a really bad situation to be in because usually all it will do is escalate until things get really toxic
it's okay to ban on first offense if the offense is bad enough. "three strikes" style rules can be useful sometimes but they're not always relevant.
when something is a bit more long-term or complicated than just "broke X rule", try to consider things in terms of patterns of behavior. is there a pattern of something else behind the infractions, or are they roughly standalone? if the pattern continues, what do you expect the person to do? if you can't see things getting better, consider being upfront about it when you bring it up with them.
3) keep an eye out for toxic behavior and member discomfort
seriously i don't know how to emphasize this enough but really make sure you enforce the important stuff. if you let -isms slide, they will not only keep sliding but will ensure anyone affected by them will lose trust in you. it's like that twitter thread about throwing nazis out of bars - if you let one stay (even if they're on their best behavior), you guarantee that they'll bring all their nazi friends and ensure no one else ever comes to the bar. throw bad people out and don't be shy about it, because it's a zero-sum game where every bad person you keep is good people you lose. you don't get to play both sides.
the earlier you address issues, the less time they have to start growing into something worse. it's easier to kick a problem member out on their first week than after they've become a regular. it's easier to tell people a phrase is inappropriate the first time they use it than after the entire community has made memes from it, etc.
don't let people guilt trip you. this can be surprisingly hard but if it's one of those things where either the person didn't mean to and you should clear it up with them, or they DID mean to and you should absolutely not let them manipulate you.
this one is hard to word, but for example, if someone's infractions come off as a lack of respect of the other members on their part, do you expect that to magically improve? sometimes you can sit someone down and try to explain it to them if it seems they don't realize the issue (though that's a huge commitment for you, which is another problem), but there will be times where some members do not have basic respect for other members and will not change that regardless of your intervention. don't be afraid to cut things short when that's the case.
don't let people get away with backseat moderation. what this means is, if there's an issue that specifically requires moderator attention, you want to avoid other members going much past "hey that wasn't cool" and generally leave it to moderators to solve problems. specifically, anytime you see users say things like "you should be banned for that", or act like they have authority that they don't, you should immediately cut that kind of behavior off. this also applies to things like re-litigating conflict after things have died down. backseat modding usually isn't super frequent, but it's the kind of behavior that will actively make stressful situations worse, and you want to nip it in the bud as soon as possible.
"1000 cut users" are users that never outright break any of the rules in any meaningful way, but who seem to constantly make the atmosphere worse for both mods and other members, no matter how people try to steer the conversation. this can be things like:
- frequent little mistakes that are never quite to the point of a rule break but that require constant moderator action and/or inconvenience members
- constant negative or toxic attitude that on its own isn't necessarily breaking any rules (or even would have been perfectly acceptable in small amounts) but that end up damaging the atmosphere due to the frequentcy or intensity at which they come up
4) let members have their autonomy
sometimes you will not get through to people when you try to explain the issues with certain behavior and that's just part of life. it's not a failing on your part, and if they don't get it after your explanations and keep up the offending behavior as a result, you don't "owe" it to them to give them more chances.
sometimes people will be unhappy with you enforcing the rules. that happens. it sucks, but it happens. sometimes they'd rather leave than change their behavior, and you have to let them.
remember that it's completely normal not to like everyone. as a moderator you need to be as impartial as possible, and it'd be unfair to take it out on members if their only "sin" is not getting along with you, but if there's people you don't mesh with you can just let the other mods handle them and any infractions they do or don't commit.
5) misc
make sure your moderators are always all on the same page. if any arguing about the rules needs to happen, do it behind closed doors so members don't have to deal with trying to figure out which mod they should be listening to.
remember that moderating isn't an "us vs them" situation and that everyone should be working together to have a good time. if moderating ever turns adversarial then you have some really really big issues and should try to work out what went wrong. it's okay to get mad at situations (or people) sometimes, but the power imbalance between moderators and members means that if you get into "fights", mods will win, and it will be at the members' expenses.
the above goes for members too. in a community, everyone chips in a little (whether it be with anything concrete or just meeting other members halfway) and everyone benefits as a result.
* this bit might be controversial to some people but: don't be afraid to ban members for off-server behavior. like with everything, you have to be reasonable about this, but if someone exhibits behavior off-server that can be described as "someone i would absolutely not want in here", then you have no obligation to let them in or keep them in. and for context i'm not referring to things like "is kind of a jerk on twitter" or whatnot (though honestly it's your prerogative what you want to kick/ban for), but if someone holds offensive views or has done hurtful things off-server, and you have reason to believe they've changed, you're under no obligation to wait and see if they'll do the same harm to your server. if you believe they've changed, then nothing prevents you from just bringing it up with them and gauging their reaction.
example: for context, this has been a semi-frequent source of bans on the wholesome games discord, from reasons ranging from ex-members having exploitative dev practices (which they either tried to lie about or dismiss), to giving the time of day to alt-right views or dismissing bigotry (frequently on twitter), to harassing other devs in other servers, etc. in almost every case we confronted them before the ban (and if we didn't we sent very clear ban messages), to make sure that these weren't just flukes, and to give them a chance to prove us wrong.
to be continued?
that's about it for now i think! there's a lot of things i haven't covered but this was cobbled together from everything that came to mind.if anyone is curious for me to cover anything else, feel free to @ me (aurel) in the wholesome games discord, or dm/@ me on twitter at divinebenis or paranoodles and i can add it to here :)
